Today I Saw God
I am on the elliptical at the gymmore of a self-inflicted torture machine in my opinionand watching the TV a bit, and I see one of our local weathermen. Let's just say that he is a bit sensational. I begin to relish in the fact that once again, with watches and predictions galore, he's wrong. "I wish I could have that job and be wrong all the time," I say to myself. Thinking also that if I had a dollar for every time I've said or heard that in relation to the weather, I'd be rich. But I get no satisfaction, no apology and no admission, not even blame on the models. Daaaang.
Simultaneously, I am overtaken by a sense of guilt. Why on earth would I relish in someone being wrong? Well that's an easy oneso I can be right. I like to be right. In fact, I like it when everything goes according to what I like. Naturally, that is a fantasy. I know deep in my heart that the world doesn't work that way. There are more times than I care to admit, however, that I experience that little toddler inside of me that stamps his foot and gets mad because things didn't go the way I would like.
The good news is that I'm aware of it. I'm not over it, but I am aware of it. I do "suffer" from many selfish thoughts and actions. I would love to say that I'm a level 5 Christian who lives for others, but that isn't the case. There is a part of me that gets frustrated with that. I'm not perfect in love as Christ is perfect in love. A piece of me says, "If I can't be perfect then what's the point?" Truth is I never will be. Progress, not perfection! It really is a journey. I own my imperfections. I'm not proud of them, but I'm human, and with God's love and patience, I can become a more loving person.
I'm growing in Christ, and Christ through the Holy Spirit is growing in me. I've got two ways to deal with that. One: I can (and do) get a bit resentful that the process of growing in Christ results in me admitting, mostly to myself, how wrong and self-centered my thoughts are. Or two: I can let go of any of my own thoughts and just be in Christ. Ah, that's what it means to abide in Christ. You know that feeling? It isn't a process of thinking anymore. I'm not caught up in that mind game of trying to figure out if I feel good because I'm egotistical (of course I am) and I've done a good deed, or if I'm abiding in Christ where my response isn't self-oriented at all. It is a beautiful thing, a real gift, when that experience occurs. I am aware of those now. I don't have them all the time, but I do have them a lot more frequently.
Paul says that we are becoming new creations. At the same time, he says that he does what he doesn't want to do and doesn't do what he wants to do. It's something like thatevery time I read that passage I get tripped up on all the does' and does not's, but you know what I'm saying. That's where we all are. That's where the church is. I believe that if we all own that more, then the church can be a relevant and truly transformational force. Hey, it's working in me, and if that's the case, then I'm no worse than the weatherman!